I wanted to share my breastfeeding journey with our fifth child. This journey is always a personal one, however, I would love to share it with you. My hopes is that it will help you navigate and enjoy your own experience.
In all honesty, I wasn’t sure if I even had the courage to breast feed for the 5th time. For me, getting through the first two weeks is incredibly painful. The let down pain, the soreness…I was not looking forward to any of it. But as soon as the doctor laid Nella on my chest, I knew I would try. There is an inexplainable joy and bond in being able to provide for your baby in that way. I know not all mothers can, or care too. I know we all find our own ways to bond with our babies. But for me nursing them, is one way.
I had very successfully nursed my other four children. I’ve never had an issue with being undersupplied. If anything, for a couple kids I had an over production to figure out. Once I get past the first two weeks, it really is smooth sailing for the most part. So I dug down deep inside myself and figured if I could get through an unmedicated, fast and furious labor, I could get through the hard part of breast feeding.
As I began writing about this, I realized the tips, tricks and products that help me manage those first few weeks really needed their own post! It will be published here. I don’t know why breastfeeding has to hurt so bad those first few weeks. Seems a little unfair, if I’m being honest! We just grew the baby and birthed it, why can’t the beginning of breast feeding be easier! But hang in there, and the rewards are worth it.
After those first two weeks, like I predicted. Things were pretty smooth sailing. I did have a clogged duct, the same one, several times, but it was manageable.
Before I write further I know that nursing isn’t for everyone, and not everyone who wants to do it can. What a wonderful day and age we live in to have options to help our babies thrive and grow. I just wanted to document my personal thoughts and feelings that I have had through my own experience.
Nursing my babies had always brought a connection to them that I cherish. I found this particularly special with my 5th baby. There were lots of people to hold her and nursing guaranteed me some time with my baby! For the first time in motherhood, I genuinely looked forward to the night time feedings. It was just me and her and, as tired as I was, I looked forward to that special time with her.
As Nella grew up, she learned to sign milk. What a beautiful thing to see her little hand making the milk sign! To communicate with me what she wanted and needed. We’d sit or lay down to nurse and she would get giddy with laughter and so excited to nurse! It was the cutest thing.
Now here’s where I say two things can be true. All of the above brought me so much joy. But also, there were times when I was just tired. When I wished that someone else could comfort her, or wished she would eat table food instead of wanting to nurse.
In fact, she did not eat table food well at all until she was fully weaned at 20 months! And some of those days were really exhausting. She loved nursing so much that until I completely weaned her, sleep was also an issue. She’d want to nurse all night long while she slept.
While she was weaning, I tried comforting her with a pacifier again. She hadn’t ever wanted one, because she nursed so much, I think. But at 20 months she was still so comforted by that sucking pattern that she actually took to the pacifier. Getting her hooked on one at an “old age” was a sacrifice I was willing to make to wean her.
I was so conflicted in the months leading up to weaning her. She loved it so much! There were many aspects of breastfeeding that I still loved as well. But I was becoming worn out by the fact that she would not eat or sleep well. I absolutely loved seeing her so excited to nurse, have that connection with her, and give her what she wanted. It was so fulfilling until she was about 18 months, and then I started to feel differently.
She was 20 months old in May 2024. I decided it was time. And that month was completely brutal on my emotions as a mother. I officially weaned her and it was tough. I like to drop one feeding at a time. When I had officially set the goal to wean her, she was still nursing when she woke up in the morning, at nap time and at bed time. I dropped that morning feeding first by getting her up and out of bed quick and something to eat. About a week later I dropped the nap time feeding. This was really hard! I Continued to encourage her to take her pacifier and walked her wrapped up in a blanket and sang to her. I wished so bad that I’d had a rocking chair like I had with my other kids. But I also know if i had sat with her, she would have wanted to nurse. The key here was changing the environment in which she was going to sleep, so she wasn’t cued that it was “time to nurse.”
I very much fed on demand for her, and my third & fourth baby. The other two were more on a schedule because its easier to be on a schedule with less kids. My point here is that Nella had pretty much learned to just ask for milk and I’d give it to her. So during this time of weaning, when she would ask, I would quickly redirect her request. I’d offer snacks, pacifier, take her on a walk, get a toy, read a book. Engage in some other way. She’d forget she asked and we’d move on to something else.
Then about a week later I was ready to drop the nighttime feed. This part always breaks my heart a little. I always enlist Chris to help and he takes the baby to bed when I am weaning. The baby cries a bit the first couple of times, I hear it and cry at least once. But then a few days pass, and we have established a new routine.
And I was right, we are both happier now. She no longer gets upset and mad when shes tired (because she associated being tired with wanting to nurse). She is eating table food so much better now. She is still a very picky eater, but the foods she does like she eats really well. She loves her pacifier, and Im ok with that. It eased the mom guilt of weaning her and actually she still really wants that sensation, which is why she was still so attached to nursing. I can see as she is getting a little older, her need for that is listening. I will likely wait till she is closer to three to wean her off the pacifier. So in about a year.
SHE SLEEPS!!!! I knew that would happen and it did. She sleeps all night now. Chris can put her to bed, or I can. The girls even put her down for her nap sometimes. She actually used to take horrible naps. and now she ASKS to go down for her nap and she sleeps for 2+ hours.
It did take about 2 solid months for her to quit asking to nurse. Just when I think she had forgotten all about it, shed sign for it or pull at my shirt. But she hasn’t asked in about a month now. All is well.
My mental and emotional health is better. I was just at the place where I felt done. Touched out, stretched thin. Like I was carrying too much of the load. Too tied down. Saying that out loud can sound a little harsh, especially when I talking about my own baby. But I’ve learned that it is ok to adjust the routine, change the way you are doing things to feel more mentally and emotionally present and healthy as a mother. Being a mother is simultaneously the best and hardest thing in life, and sometimes adjustments are necessary to keep the joy.
Terms & Prvacy policy 